i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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