I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize