I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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