Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
