After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
