The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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