I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
