Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
