just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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