New invention idea: vibrating tampons
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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