Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
