I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
no you cant smoke seaweed
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
