I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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