I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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