I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
