I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I could fuck to npr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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