A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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