In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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