I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
