Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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