Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
