are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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