omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
