I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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