mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Life is so much better after having sex.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
