it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you would pick up someone in the library
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
