Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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