just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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