we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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