I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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