I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
