the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
being pregnant is like rehab
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize