Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
