Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
