There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
