that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
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i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Houston, we have a squirter
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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