I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
