at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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