I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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