Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
