you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
