Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
