dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
