I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Alive.
So much puke
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
