my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
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I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
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You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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