I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
