how can u be prego again
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
