dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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