You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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