lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
dude. I can hear the air.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
