Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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