There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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