After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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