Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
