All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
