He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
