A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
