I wish I could teleport
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
