Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize