I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
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fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
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Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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