Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
