Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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