Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
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Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
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The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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