i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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