Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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