Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Randomize
