yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
zippers are such a cool invention
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
