there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
