its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
