I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
