fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There r osticjed everywhere
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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