Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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