dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
