Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
