i permit you to call me
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
