Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
then he tried to convert me to islam
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
