Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
