he puts the penis in happiness.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
