why didn't you poke me back
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
