The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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