just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He shit in the fireplace
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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