You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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